Space, The Final Why-Are-We-Out-Here?
by SailorSilvanesti
Summary: Tumblr Prompt, "Kiss Me You Idiot -Castiel" AU. Dean has a deep dark secret... involving a certain five-year mission to explore strange new worlds; a certain Trickster Archangel is very much aware of this. Thus, his current conundrum... floating in space, seething with rage... And that's when things take a turn for the WORSE...


**Disclaimer: I do not own SUPERNATURAL, Star Trek, or any associated characters.**

Tumblr Prompt, "Kiss Me, You Idiot -Castiel" AU.

Turned into somewhat of a Stark Trek-flavoured one-shot.

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**~*Space, The Final Why-Are-We-Here?*~**

**~)0(~**

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"This has to be, hands-down, the most fucked up thing I have ever seen… or been a part of, and I'm gonna roast Gabriel over an open holy fire," Dean shouted into the intercom of his helmet. "Are you freaking kidding me? SPACE? I AM GOING TO KILL HIM!"

Static buzzing crackled through the helmet.

"This is the Starship Suck-It-Up-Princess, for Commander Deanie-weenie, how about you shut the hell up and maybe I'll think about beaming you back aboard the ship, okay?"

Gabriel. That sonovabitch trickster angel was out here somewhere, and he was taunting Dean, who was apparently floating about in space somewhere past… was that PLUTO?!

"Dean, stop taunting the super-powered archangel and he'll let you back on board the ship," came Sam's voice through the helmet, as he rotated around to see the sudden appearance of a giant Enterprise-class starship behind him.

Gabriel was sitting in the Captain's chair and waving at him.

Gritting his teeth to cover the dozen odd insults that sprang to mind, and ground out, "Alright, Gabriel, you win… now beam me aboard, I think I'm getting a space-wedgie…"

~)0(~

The next thing he knew,he was on the bridge and Sam was mid-leap away from him having been surprised at his elder sibling popping in out of nowhere.

Unsurprisingly, he noticed they were both wearing red shirts, and sent an appropriately unimpressed glare over at their 'Captain'.

"So what is all this? Is this another lesson, or you decided you're bored and decided to mess with us again?" he asked.

Gabriel raised a finger and wagged it admonishingly, "Ah ah ahhhh, boys, never question the captain, he always knows what's best. This is a present! You think I haven't heard how many times you two knuckleheads have mentioned Star Trek since I've known you?"

He stood up, gesturing magnanimously about the bridge at the unconcerned members of crew going about their functions like nothing unusual was occurring at all.

"Things were going to hell for you on Earth… oh, well, sorry… I meant the only thing going to hell was you two with your Winchester Season Passes, but in anycase I thought you might like a break. So, ta dah! Welcome to the USS Enterprise… kick back, relax and try not to die for a while." Gabriel winked and snapped his fingers.

~)0(~

"Well, this is weird, but I could get used to it." Dean said, clapping his hands together as the wall unit replicated a beer for him. He snagged it and flopped down onto the bed, completely relaxed for once… no supernatural bullshit was going to come kicking down the door and tear him apart today.

"This is quite relaxing."

Foam went everywhere as the beer went flying, thrown as Dean startled at the Trenchcoated Angel lying flat out on the bed beside him.

"Cas, what the hell?" panted the sandy-haired human in the room, eyes wide with disbelief. "How did you find us?"

The angel rolled over to glare at the human, "With great difficulty, but I will always know where you are, Dean, the mark I made on your right wrist is both a promise and a beacon solely to me so I can find you no matter where you end up. Please do not ever fall back into Hell, raising you the first time was difficult enough, as you were quite deep down…"

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"Baby Brother! So nice to see you, but I'm afraid if you're going to stay here then you need to wear the right ATTIRE, this is a classy cheesy-sci-fi fantasy party and by Father, you will not be the worst dressed guest!" shouted Gabriel, appearing in the room without warning.

With a click of his fingers, Dean and Cas found their uniforms changed; Cas was in the original series Science blue, and Dean, Command Yellow… and being the secret nerd that he was, the not-so-subtle metaphor was slapping him across the face.

"…you're a SPIRK shipper?" Dean questioned the archangel, with an expression of complete disbelief aimed at the other.

"I do not understand that reference…" Castiel responded.

"Oh don't worry baby brother, you will soon enough… now I don't need to remind you that these chambers are of course sound-proofed, as are Sammy's. Now, if you'll excuse me," Gabriel snapped his fingers and his outfit changed to that of one Captain Katheryn Janeway, "a certain giant human has just now found himself dressed like Seven of Nine, and my resistance to that siren call is futile… ta-ta!"

And he was gone.

~)0(~

"Dean, I really do not understand this refere-…"

"Cas… kiss me."

The angel frowned at him, "Dean, what are you-…?"

"Castiel, kiss me you idiotic angel of the lord, because this is a deep dark fantasy of mine and I really… like really, really _really_need to kill the image of Sam in tight spandex in my head right now… and you're good at making me forget stuff like that…"

"If this is something you particularly desire, I suppose I could commandeer your starship for a brief period of time, Captain."

This was why Dean loved him.

"In that case, First Officer, set phasers to thrill, and fire thrusters, we're going all the way to Warp 9 tonight…"

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**~)0(~**

**The End**

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[In the distance, the sounds of an archangel getting thrown about a starship by an angry 6ft 4" hunter in a skin-tight spandex bodysuit, could be heard…]


End file.
